Tag Archives: misty’s words of wisdom

Misty’s Words of Wisdom #4


Misty’s Words of Wisdom #4 

If Your Pick-Up Line Sucks, My Excuse Can Too


I would just like to say an “I told you so.” Remember when I said once I had been up here a bit longer and the rafting season started to pick up the crazies would come out? Maybe I didn’t say that but it is true. They’ve started to seep out. Well, maybe these few aren’t so much crazy as they are drunk. There are lots of drunks around here. Especially on Saturday nights.


In this area there is a local watering hole. It really is a hole in the wall, seedy little joint. All the locals, raft guides, and raft company employees hang out there and you’ll never find another place like it. Our customers who come up either fall in love with it or, the majority of the time, just don’t get it and are repulsed by it. You can smoke on the porch, people randomly ride their bikes on the porch completely naked, and dogs are always allowed (as long as they’re stranger friendly.) Basically you should never bring a kid there. The whole place is kind of a shit show but its a beautiful, laid back shit show that everyone should enjoy. Which leads me to sharing a couple of my “people I’ve met at the local bar” stories. I’m going to share two, and these are just from the last two weeks.


The first was last weekend. I had a couple of friends come up because they had the weekend off for Memorial Day and they had never been to this bar. I’m constantly telling them “You havvvee to go!!” So we did. Awesome story. Well one of my friends was talking to a hippie looking fellow with a scruffy beard and long hair. Definitely a raft guide. He was also wearing a very professional looking blazer, which she thought was great, so he let her wear it. She reached into the pocket and pulls out a giant bag of… Crack!!


No not really, but it wouldn’t surprise me. She did, however, pull out a giant bag of harmonicas. To which she said “uhh why do you have so many harmonicas?” And his answer was “well, you never know when one will be out of tune.” He was dead serious. These are the kind of people I surround myself with willingly. They’re fucking awesome.


My second story is from last night. I was sitting on one of the picnic tables on the proch with some of our rookie guides. We were all chatting and watching the drunks dancing and placing bets on who would go home with whom. This tall dude with long blonde hair comes up and starts talking to me trying to be all “oh yeah I’m cool ’cause I’m a guide and you should find that attractive.” Except that I’ve constantly been surrounded by guides since the day I was born so I just really don’t care. What I do care about? If you’re a good person or not. Or, let’s be honest, if you aren’t too crazy so that I can sleep with you and not have to worry about you stalking me when you realize I’m not going to call you back. Yeah. I’m a slutt, what up?


Anyway, we are talking and he looks at me and says the “best” pick up line I’ve ever heard. “Soo, uh, you like making out and stuff?” Uhh really? Really!? You like making out and stuff?? That’s all you have? My reply was “uh doesn’t everyone?” To which he says “soo you want to make out and stuff?” Okay. Now its gone too far so I said “no. I have to work at 8 tomorrow.” And peaced out. That’s not even a good excuse, working at 8. Whatever. You don’t need a good excuse for a bad pick up line. And those are some words of wisdom right there. Remember them. Also it took a lot of rambling for me to get this point across but you know what? It’s okay because not only did you get to hear the words of wisdom but you also got to learn about the classy people I surround myself with. Two for one deal.



But She Won’t Pee in Your Coffee… I Hope


Finally, with the return of summer, I am home. Away from “the city” and constant sound of sirens and drunk men. Now I hear the river, peepers, and… Drunk men. Those ass holes are everywhere. Dancin’ on the bars, shooting off fireworks in the campground, hitting on river guides… Oh wait. That was me. Just kidding. I haven’t done any of those things. Except drink. And hit on river guides. And well, I guess technically I danced on the bar but that was like 3 years ago so in the grand scheme of this post, it doesn’t really count. 


Anyway the point is, I’m home, happy, and will soon be seeing a pluthora of characters to write about which should help me get this blog back up and going. I mean, the people who come through here are just nuts. Maybe not quite as crazy as the guy at the baseball game with a fish, but probably equally as entertaining. I’m also thinking of doing a section similar to Misty’s Words of Wisdom but it will be called Shit Lillian Says. She’s one of my coworkers and you never know what will come out of her mouth. She’s nuts, but in a completely harmless and loveable kind of way, not a I’m going to get mad at you and piss in every cup of coffee you drink for the rest of the summer kind of way.


So with this short post, I’m off in search of more rificulous people and grander themes to write about. And to make sure no one has peed in my coffee because now I can’t stop thinking about that.