Category Archives: Truth Cards

Lets Celebrate Two People Coming Together and Throwing their Lives Away

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‪With an upcoming bridal shower, bachelorette party, and wedding to attend I of course have been in the need of a few greeting cards. I have found that there aren’t any good ones. None at all. So I have decided that I should start my own line of cards. I would call them Truth Cards. In keeping with my own life’s upcoming events I will share some wedding theme ideas with you today. Below you will find a list of different card sayings for bridal showers, bachelorette parties, and weddings. Maybe if I had some fancy software, or even knew how to use paint, I would make examples with cute pictures for you. I don’t have any fancy software and I am fucking lazy. Also I am at work and so that would be weird. Anyway. The list:
 

  • “You got the man, the rock, and get to throw a large ass party. You’re a lucky bitch.”
  • “You got the man, the rock, and get to throw a large ass party. Hope you’re ready to start your new life broke.”
  • “Congratulations! When you two buy a house make sure your name is on the deed. Statistically 50% of marriages don’t work so at least when he takes you to the bank in 5 years you’ll have a place to live.”
  • “Congratulation! Sorry I am going to be the girl at your wedding downing champagne and hitting on your brother/father/uncle, or all three.”
  • “Congratulation! Sorry I couldn’t make the wedding. I had tickets to a Red Sox game.”
  • “It’s your bachelorette party!! Sleep with one, or three, more men while you have the chance. That one penis is going to get old.”
  • “Congratulations!! If you’re going through a divorce in 5 years I’ll hold your hand and buy you shots of tequila!”
  • “You’re getting married, lets get drunk and make fools of ourselves!!”
  • “While you’re cleaning house and making babies, I’ll be drinking margaritas, doing illegal things, and loving life. Good luck!”
  • “Congratulations on your marriage and pussy whipping that man into shape! You go girl!”
  • “Way to succumb to societal pressures. I’m picturing kids in 2 years.”
  • “Remember when we used to get drunk and screw random men. You can’t do that anymore.”
  • “Congratulations to my best friend on a marriage to a man I’ve never met!”
  • “Happy wedding day, you looks smashing!!”
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    For the record I am not actually anti-marriage. Well I am for myself but that is because I have a commitment phobia and I like being able to do what I want, when I want, no questions asked. I am very happy for my friend though and wish her the best of luck and ended up buying her a boring cheesy generic card about her future being “showered with love and happiness.” Though I did add my own personal message about partying like rock stars. However Truth Cards are fun and if they existed I would have bought one cheesy boring make-you-want-to-throw-up card and one Truth Card. That way you get the best of both worlds. Or the best of one and the worst of another. Depends on how you look at it. You use your own judgment to decide which one is the better world but we all know I kick people in the cunt and teeth for lying. I’m sure you know where I stand.