Misty’s Words of Wisdom Rule #3: If You Say Quadding Instead of Four Wheeling or ATVing Then You Are a Waste of Space
First I would like to say I’m not quote sure why I call these rules as they aren’t rules as much as they are statements. A real rule in this situation would be “don’t call four wheeling quadding” end of story. However I do what I want so deal with it.
I have grown up in Maine my entire life. Before I move to Portland I was in western Maine. Albeit not The County it was still a very small country area. I grew up learning how to shoot a gun and raft the river. I actually grew up at a rafting company and worked there for seven summers before deciding to try something new this summer. I lived in a tent (yes a tent) the summer before last and the summer before that and there are some country ways I am set in.
One of them includes four wheeling or if you want to get fancy or work in the tourism industry, ATVing. If you don’t know what four wheeling is let me take a moment to enlighten you. Four wheeling is the act of taking an All Terrain Vehicle with four wheels (no shit!) Out into the woods and ripping the shit out of them. And by ripping the shit out of them I mean going fast and hard (like your mom.) There are marked trails you should stay on but us Maniacs tend to go where we want. And the best four wheeling involves a lot of mud everywhere.
Now for some reason it is “trendy” for you all rich city folks to come to places where I grew up for vacation to take part in “outdoorsy” activities. Usually you just get drunk and complain about a lack of cell phone service because you don’t know how to appreciate the great things in life like a beautiful rushing river and a lack of having society nag at you via text messages. I let that go though and am happy to take you rafting or ATVing. Besides you’re paying up so whatever.
I do hate it though when you decide to give your new found hobby some fancy rich boy name. Quadding. All I have to say to this is, “no.” Yes I know quad means four. I may be from the country but I’m not fucking stupid. And since quad means four the word quadding isn’t all that different from four wheeling, except it is. It is as different as getting your coffee from Starbucks instead of making it in your home (fuck Starbucks. I do the later.) It is as different as going “green” because its super cute and trendy and you are, like, helping the environment, you know? Instead of going green because you know that global warming is an actual problem which is going to cause some major issues for us later on, and already has made some giant issues in our present time. It is as different as being from the city and growing up in the country. So please just don’t use the word. Especially in front of us because the minute we hear you say quadding we are going to know you are from the city and you may not realize this but that means we automatically know you are naïve about the country (even if you don’t think you are) and so we are going to fuck with you. Hard. From behind.
Perhaps I’m being a bit harsh and I don’t want you to think I don’t like people from the city. Working in the tourist industry I’ve met hundreds if not thousands of really awesome city folks and even have a few as best friends. Hell I’m moving to the city in September but there are just some things that drive me crazy. Quadding is one of them. Don’t even get me started on the extreme need all out of staters, especially from the city, have to see a moose. They smell guys. Bad. Like when your dog let’s out that fart that clears a room and everyone blames it on you. (We know it was you.) That mixed with a huge ol’ bucket of stuff from the sewer. The smell of a moose, its just not good.