You Don’t Even Want to See me Devour Chocolate Covered Coffee Beans


My day doesn’t officially start until I’ve had at least one cup of coffee, or more like 6. Without caffeine, preferably in coffee form, in my system I just don’t function right. I’m a slow, sluggish, have difficulty processing ideas, and am basically a down right bitch. So when I woke up at my best friends house and realized she had a Keurig my initial reaction was, “what the fuck?!?!”

Now before you start calling me an ungrateful house guest and selfish you should realize I’ve known this girl since we were three. She knows me well, knows my caffeine need, and loves me even though I complain about her coffee making ways. Actually she just laughs and ignores me, which is probably the best way to deal with me. Also everything I said to her I said jokingly. Maybe its a pain to make four single cups of coffee at a time but its still caffeine so I’ll take it.

Anyway I took this opportunity to ask her just what it is about Keurig that is so appealing because when I worked at Sears those things were flying off the shelf. She told me you can make coffee and tea in it! I told her I make tea in my regular coffee maker and most stores sell tea bags so its not that impressive. She told me you can make different flavors and different strengths. I can do that in my old school coffee maker too. Then she told me some people like to have only one cup of coffee.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!! One cup of coffee?! Who drinks one cup of coffee? That is like one beer or one cookie or only a scoop of ice cream. Does anyone actually do any of those things? I can drink ten cups of coffee, and that is just in the morning so we aren’t even counting the coffee I drink when I get back from work. Of course I use a large 3 cup mug so I can drink three of those and it only looks like I drank 3 cups of coffee when in reality I’ve drunk nine. And if you don’t drink all of the coffee you brewed you can always put it in the fridge and then later that afternoon when you are in the middle of a heat wave and the entire state of Maine is 105 degrees, you can make yourself an ice coffee. Bam two birds one stone. Nice cool icy drink and a caffeine boost. There is nothing wrong with a pot of coffee. One cup is where the problem is at.

Of course when I relayed all of this to my friend she looked at me like I was crazy. She is also a nurse so I’m quite sure she also argued with herself about whether putting me in a 12 step coffee addiction program was a good idea or not. Instead she just shook her head at me, sighed, and walked away which was probably her best move. Well played my friend, well played.


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