Of a Cigar and a Douche

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If you walk around with a cigar in your mouth and you are being serious, then you are a douche bag. Unless you are in the mob, in which case you also better have a pile of cocaine in the back room.

Really though, there are a lot of things that scream I’m a douche bag, including popped collars and pinky rings but cigars are right up there. I’m not talking those wanna be cigarette Swisher Sweet cigars, I’m talking the big, fat cigars. I am sorry to say that people probably already have an inkling that you’re a huge joke to human kind, but as soon as you swagger around the corner with that Cuban hanging out of your mouth, people know. Their first thoughts are, “I thought that guy was a tool but now I know. What a douche.” Good luck with that. The worst part is that you think it makes you look cool, which is probably the douchiest part of it all.

If you are joking around and smoking a cigar because you know they are ridiculous, than you’re probably 21 but it’s okay because at least you realize that they are ridiculous. This is the only time a cigar is okay. Or when you are in high school and don’t know any better. In that case you are just fucking stupid but don’t worry, we’ve all been there. Or when you have a baby, though you probably shouldn’t be smoking around your baby ass hole.

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